Engaging the Conversation: the Basics

Having discussions with your child about “sticky” moral issues can be nerve-racking. But there are four main steps that will prepare you for the necessary conversations that you will have with your child.

The first step is to learn about the moral issues that your child is likely to face. The second is to prepare for the conversation. The third step is to actually engage your child in the discussion and the fourth is to follow-up after the conversation. Let’s take a look at all four.

Step 1: Learn About the Issues

You know that today’s culture is full of tough issues. The ones that are of most concern to young people are those related to a proper understanding of human dignity, chastity and social justice. Your child may easily be blindsided by these tough issues. This is why you have to learn all you can about these topics in order to be prepared to speak intelligently about each. Here is a brief overview of each of these topics.

Human dignity is the worth of every human being. It is never dependent on one’s condition or circumstances. It is inherent in the human soul. Not even sin can diminish it, though to sin is to fail to live up to it.

Chastity is the virtue of sexual self-control. Its purpose is to ensure that we never treat ourselves or others as things to be used. Instead, chastity focuses our sexual powers to love and our power of fertility to the creation of family.

Social justice is the responsibility to work for a society that acknowledges the dignity of all, and that makes available what is necessary for human growth and flourishing.

Step 2: Prepare for the Conversation

Preparing for a necessary conversation also includes the following considerations.

Timing – when is the best time to hold the conversation? There is an acronym called HALTS that may help you here. Avoid talking with your child when they (or you) are hungry angry, lonely, tired or sick.

Setting – consider where you want to hold this conversation. Pick a spot that is neutral and comfortable for both of you where you can talk privately.
Remove Distractions – plan to hold the discussion when both of you can focus. Plan on docking your cell phones, computers, tablets or smart phones.
Have a plan of action. You should have the main points of what you want to share outlined and ready. Try to be concise. A conversation is not a time to preach. Rather it is the time to present the points about one of the topics in a manner that will spark thinking in your child.

Step 3: Engage Your Child in Discussion

Keeping the moral issues in mind and deciding when to hold the discussion brings you to the actual conversation. A conversation is an exchange. You have prepared your part but you do not know how your child will respond. Here are three important principles to bear in mind as you engage in the conversation.

Listen and Observe – we have already covered how to listen and the importance of observing your child. Pay attention to what they say and how they say it after you share your information.

Respect – make sure that you respond to what your child says calmly and civilly. If you think you are going to become sarcastic or intimidating, check yourself. Remember to use I statements

Focus – finally, remember to stay focused on the standard that God has set for both you and your child. These discussions are not about you and your past. Rather, these conversations should introduce to your child to Christ’s principles for living in peace and loving others.

Remember to state your message clearly, concisely and calmly. Focus on the virtue that God wants both of you to develop. Allow time to listen to whatever your child has to say. And, remember to thank your child for taking the time to hear what you had to say.

Follow-up

After you have had your planned conversation, it is very important to re-engage with your child to find out what new thoughts they have. A good follow-up starts at the end of your first conversation. Make sure that you invite feedback and input. Sincerely invite them to speak their mind and tell you what they are thinking. Let them know that you will be available to listen. One last point – your child may tell you something in follow-up that makes the hair on your neck stand up. You may hear them say something that runs totally against every point you shared. If this happens, take a breath and thank them for their input. Let them know you are going to think about what they said. Then leave. Know that you will need to start this entire process again. Learn more to counter the comments from your child. Prepare for another conversation. Speak up and then follow-up.

Leave a Comment





This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.