2 Comments

1. Michelle Huber on July 28, 2019 at 12:16 pm

   these handouts are great visuals of where we’re at and how to be better. the question is how to change that mindset within self and for the children to recognize it. if the first 3 years we are more permissive but want to move into the optimal authoritative what concrete steps should we take or pitfalls to avoid to bring up Demanding Goodness without turning into Authoritarian?
   I love that the videos are short segments but I had to “rewind” numerous times to fully take in the four quadrants and the traits that the parents exhibit which provoke the outcomes in the children.

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   • Jeffrey Arrowood on July 29, 2019 at 11:39 pm

     Thank you for the comments, Michelle! I’m going to share this question with Alice and we might write an article or include this discussion in a webinar. I’ll try to remember to put the link in the comment here. But here are a few quick ideas:
     1. Be pro-active. Reactive parenting is necessary and good – you need to respond to your child’s behavior with consequences (positive and negative). But pro-active parenting is the place to focus. Require your children to participate in the family by doing chores. Encourage your children to do acts of loving service for each other and for others within the family. Depending on how old your children are, work with them in a positive way to strengthen their vices and character flaws. Most of “Embrace Parenthood” is focused on pro-active parenting.
     2. Make sure your rules lead to virtue or to a good for the child. Authoritarian parents tend to create rules for selfish reasons – to protect their peace and quiet, to keep the kids out of their hair. List the expectations you have for your children and write out why each expectation is good for your children. Then recall these benefits when you deliver consequences.
     3. Don’t make parenting all about discipline. Disciplining your children is important, but it’s not the totality of parenting. Spend time with your children. Play together. Talk – build real conversations. Use these real relationship events as teachable moments. But mainly use them to tell your children that you love them.

     As for the videos, Alice and I are working on version 2 of Teaching the Way of Love. Version 2 will be much more focused and will do a better job of teaching the concepts. We hope it will require less rewinding!

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