Teaching Toward Adulthood

It might be interesting to note that the term ‘teenager’ is a relatively new label for youth between the ages of 13 and 18. Before its creation, children around the age of 13 were called youth or boys and girls. However, somewhere between World War II and the end of the 1960s, the expectations of this age group transformed from a time of responsibility into an extended childhood freed from worry, work and wisdom.

The word teenager first appeared in the Webster dictionary in 1961 as a noun synonymous with the word adolescence. It was used to describe someone who didn’t have to grow up before the age of 18. Teenagers were granted a 5 year pass exempting them from the rights with responsibilities of adulthood. They were cleared to be risk-takers, find and experience all worldly pleasures (whether moral or not) and following their peers.

Contrast the term of teenager to that of youth. Youth are considered persons who have their sights set on becoming adults and accepting mature responsibilities. Youth use their teen years to become dependable, trustworthy and reliable. They are subject to the usual pitfalls of immaturity but they seek out and consider the guidance of parents and adults.

Why is this terminology noteworthy? Simply, what you expect is what you will get. As parents you need to decide which type of person you want to deal with over the next 5 years. Will you view your child as a teenager or as a youth? The way you frame these 5 years will impact the magnitude of the challenges you and your child will face.

The Catholic Church implores you to see your child as a young adult. In doing so, you understand that you are still the primary educator. Children should not find themselves alone during this stage of life. The wisdom of the Church states that parents should “educate their children for life in such a way that each one may fully perform his or her role according to the vocation received from God.” (FC. 53) This implies that parenting is a lifelong task. It does not take a break or vacation during the teen years.

Remember, the future of humanity passes by way of the family. Build a hopeful future with your young adults. Here are some ways to fulfill the tasks of the family taught by Saint Pope John Paul II in Familiaris Consortio.

Form a Community of Persons

‘It’s time to become the guide at the side, not the sage on the stage”. This phrase aptly describes the transition parents make during the young adult years. Youth are still expected to follow the right counsel of their parents and participate in family life and parents are still expected to provide guidance and interaction. However, both the youth and the parents needs to be aware that in just a few short years, the youth will be out on his own - away from daily, family contact. This means a shift in basic decision making has to occur. The transition should reflect the young adult’s need to practice sound judgment. Let’s look at the various ways to make the transition smooth.

Serve Life

Young couple drinking coffee on romantic anniversary date.Convincing a young adult to reserve sexual activity for marriage is one of the greatest challenges a parent will face. There are many reasons for this. First, many parents themselves did not wait until marriage so they do not think they can expect their children to wait either. Secondly, some parents think that sexual activity before marriage is beneficial – something that can actually help the youth become a better spouse. Finally, some parents think that the pervasive sexual culture is a more powerful influence then they are. Thus, the best they can do is to teach how to engage in sexual activity safely. All of the above ideas are based on flawed morality and logic.

Develop Society

Mother and daughter having conversationBy the time your child is 18, he should have the knowledge and virtue to go into the world and live as Christ lived. This means that parenting during the teen years should focus on readying your youth for participation in the world outside the home. In general, this means checking in with your emerging adult to see if the principles established in the family are neatly packed within his heart. How do you do this? Engage in regular and meaningful conversations with him. Some of these conversations will be light subject manner and some will be deep and thought provoking. Consider the following communication steps when checking on the contents of your child’s heart.

Participate in the Life & Mission of the Church

Brunette girl in a church crucifix and column in the background ** Note: Slight blurriness, best at smaller sizesThe main task at this stage is for the young adult to graduate into an adult faith in which the relationship with Christ really makes a difference in his or her life. As this happens, the young adult also seeks God's vocation for his or her life. One of the worst mistakes we make when dealing with young adults is to create unique expectations for them that we do not hold for adults. We want to see our young people engaged in community service, but we are not engaged in community service as adults. We want to see our youth actively engaged at Mass, but we adults coast through Mass and don't even remember what the homily was about when it is over. We need to remember that young adults look to us adults to see what it means to be an adult in the faith. If we want young adults to be actively engaged in their faith, then we need to actively engaged in ours.

More Articles

Affability In An Angry World

By Alice Heinzen

The 7th Commandment – Justice & Human Dignity

By Jeffrey Arrowood

Let’s Be Reasonable

By Jeffrey Arrowood

A Great Virtue for the New Year

By Alice Heinzen

Hope: Trusting God Through the Chaos

By Jeffrey Arrowood

The 5th Commandment; Do No Harm

By Jeffrey Arrowood

The Heart of the 4th Commandment: Do What Love Asks

By Alice Heinzen

Longanimity: Patience for the Long Haul

By Alice Heinzen

Church & Chicken: Keeping the Lord’s Day

By Jeffrey Arrowood

No One Likes Name Calling

By Jeffrey Arrowood

Create a Circle of Virtue

By Alice Heinzen

God’s Plan for Us: Faithfulness to God

By Jeffrey Arrowood

Theology of the Body

By Jeffrey Arrowood

Parenting Toward Adulthood: Participating in the Life & Mission of the Church

By Jeffrey Arrowood

Establish a Great School Year

By Alice Heinzen

Parenting Toward Adulthood: Developing Society

By Jeffrey Arrowood

Parenting Toward Adulthood: Serving Life

By Jeffrey Arrowood

Parenting Toward Adulthood: Forming a Community of Persons

By Jeffrey Arrowood

Lessons of Life and Love

By Jeffrey Arrowood

Re-creation, not Recreation

By Jeffrey Arrowood

Your Guidance Has a Destination

By Jeffrey Arrowood

Begin with the End in Mind

By Jeffrey Arrowood

Civility: Time for a Comeback

By Alice Heinzen

We ARE Capable of Self-Possession and Self-Control!

By Jeffrey Arrowood

Three Key Catholic Teachings About Sexual Intercourse

By Alice Heinzen

Engaging the Conversation: the Basics

By Jeffrey Arrowood

How to Really Listen

By Jeffrey Arrowood

Parenting is a Journey

By Alice Heinzen

Sharing Concern: Using “I” Messages

By Alice Heinzen

With God’s Help, Face and Resolve Conflict Just like Mary, Joseph and Jesus Did

By Alice Heinzen

Necessary Conversations About the Art of Sacred Silence

By Jeffrey Arrowood

General Principles for Teaching Sexuality by Developmental Stage*

By Jeffrey Arrowood

A Gift to You Courtesy of Covid-19

By Alice Heinzen

What Can I Expect?

By Alice Heinzen

Raising Catholic Kids who Live the Virtues

By Jeffrey Arrowood

The Four Loves

By Jeffrey Arrowood

Tasks of the Family

By Jeffrey Arrowood

Making Sense of the Gender Debate

By Alice Heinzen

Togetherness: a Blessing or a Burden?

By Alice Heinzen

Connect With Your Family All Year Long

By Alice Heinzen

Everyone Fails. What You Can Do About It.

By Alice Heinzen

Setting Expectations of Goodness within your Family

By Jeffrey Arrowood

True Joy Comes from Self-Control and Striving

By Jeffrey Arrowood

Waste Time with Your Kids

By Alice Heinzen

The Importance of Community

By Jeffrey Arrowood

Resolve to Waste Time with your Children

By Jeffrey Arrowood

Should I Allow My Child to Struggle?

By Alice Heinzen

Having Necessary Conversations About Right Relationships

By Jeffrey Arrowood

Tis the Season to Receive

By Jeffrey Arrowood

Set a Firm Foundation in the New Year

By Alice Heinzen

Take Up Your Cross and Follow Me

By Jeffrey Arrowood

Civility: Time for a Comeback

By Jeffrey Arrowood

Valuing Being More Than Doing

By Jeffrey Arrowood

Understanding Gender Identity

By Alice Heinzen

Raising Catholic Kids in a Secular World

By Alice Heinzen

A Breath of Fresh Air: Five Messages on Chastity That Will Put a Smile on Your Face!

By Alice Heinzen

Chastity and Related Virtues

By Alice Heinzen

What Is Sexuality?

By Alice Heinzen

Having Necessary Conversations About Human Sexuality

By Jeffrey Arrowood

Can You Celebrate Your Family in the Face of Imperfection?

By Jeffrey Arrowood

Ready or not, here it comes. School is back in session!

By Alice Heinzen

Why is Your Family So Important?

By Alice Heinzen

Preparing Yourself to Discuss the Deep Moral Issues

By Jeffrey Arrowood

How Can You Run an Ordered Household?

By Jeffrey Arrowood

Does Your Family Impact the Culture or Not?

By Alice Heinzen

Is Your Family a School of Prayer?

By Jeffrey Arrowood

Knowing and Choosing the Good

By Jeffrey Arrowood

How do You Fill a Home with Goodness and Virtue?

By Alice Heinzen

Using a Family Media Plan to Protect Your Children – and to Teach Virtue

By Jeffrey Arrowood

Being Before Doing

By Jeffrey Arrowood

Are You Teaching Your Family the Way of Love?

By Jeffrey Arrowood

Do you really listen to your family members?

By Alice Heinzen

Teaching Manners

By Jeffrey Arrowood

Who Has the Greatest Influence On Your Children?

By Jeffrey Arrowood

Help Your Child See and Respect Dignity in All People

By Jeffrey Arrowood

Is Your Family Important to You?

By Alice Heinzen

Preparing Your Child for School

By Alice Heinzen

Humility and Parenting: Taking an Accurate Look at Yourself

By Jeffrey Arrowood

The 10th Commandment – Self-Control and Contentment

By Jeffrey Arrowood

What to Do When You Think You Aren’t a Good Enough Parent

By Alice Heinzen

The 8th Commandment: Do Not Bear False Witness

By Jeffrey Arrowood

The Debt of Gratitude

By Jeffrey Arrowood

Downloadable Resources

Click on the file name to download each resource. These resources are PDF files, which require Adobe's free reader. Most computers come with this reader installed, but if you have trouble opening the file you should download the free reader here.

  • Is Your Child Mature?
    Worksheet that will help you take a reality check of your child’s emotional and social maturity
  • A Breath of Fresh Air
    Five messages on Chastity that will put a smile on your face!
  • Healthy Relationship Development
    Keeping our children safe from those who would abuse them is of primary importance to every parent. This is a list of ten parental actions that have a direct impact on a child’s health and safety. When these actions are consistently demonstrated by parents, their children are more likely to be safe and less likely to be susceptible to the emotional grooming of a predator.
  • Forming a Catholic Conscience Mark S. Latkovic describes the stages of forming a conscience in our children.